Befriending Dragons

Turn Scary Into Attainable


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Diagnosis – Those First Moments of Breast Cancer

I wrote this Reader’s Opinion for the “Pink Edition” of the Idaho Statesman October 2, 2013 for Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

Do something. Anything. Make the cancer go away. What will I have to endure – will they chop off my breasts, make me ingest toxic drugs, poke me and prod me and stick me with needles and run me through machines? Quick; learn the difference between an MRI and an ultrasound and a mammogram – what does each really do, what does each detect, what kinds of false positives and false negatives might occur with each. This isn’t happening, it’s really a mistake. The test results aren’t really mine. Are they?

Keep Calm and Fight Cancer

Keep Calm and Fight Cancer

Deep breath. Of course it’s my diagnosis. And it’s mine to deal with. I can either panic (been there, done that – just a few seconds ago) and wallow in fear and pain or I can deal with it and move past it. Doesn’t seem like much of a choice, I guess I’ll deal with it.    It.    The breast cancer. I can fight it. I will fight it like a girl – proud and strong. I’ll overcome it. And I did. The cancer is gone. A little lumpectomy – done. A few weeks of radiation just in case there’s a microscopic cancer cell or two left over – coming in a few weeks with few expected side effects. Genetic testing – negative for the common breast and ovarian cancer causing mutations including BRCA. What a relief. I’m cured and I still have breasts that look pretty much like they did before. I’m done. I survived.

I took that fearsome cancer dragon and I turned it into something to live with. I didn’t do it alone. I have a great circle of friends who went with me to the biopsy and doctor appointments and pre-op and post-op…. They sent positive thoughts and showed they cared and they also knew when I just needed to be alone. I have a highly trained surgeon and oncologists and lab techs and nurses and even a nurse navigator assigned by the hospital. I work for a company that provides me with great insurance so I don’t have to worry about paying for all this wonderful medical care and the frequent screenings I will have in the future.

I am so lucky in so many ways. They caught my cancer early, I have wonderful friends, I asked questions and went back for additional screening after the initial false negative, and I have access to medical care many in this country can’t afford – though many more will get the care they need as more and more ObamaCare provisions are enacted.

You too can be lucky – take charge of your own life. Ask questions, take action, and be your own best advocate. Schedule your mammogram. Fight like a girl. Love your friends. Ask questions. Befriend your dragons. Help someone in need. Thank those who help you. Do, be, live, love, grow, change. And never give up.

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Jo Ann Morris is Igniting Women with Courage

Ignite: Inspiring Courageous Leaders - A Book of Thought-Provoking Wisdom and a Manual for Action

Ignite: Inspiring Courageous Leaders – A Book of Thought-Provoking Wisdom and a Manual for Action

Go Lead Idaho sponsored a “meet the author” talk by Jo Ann Morris this week at the Boise WaterCooler. Jo Ann is the author of Ignite: Inspiring Courageous Leaders – A Book of Thought-Provoking Wisdom and a Manual for Action and co-founder of White Men as Full Diversity Partners. She describes herself as a proud radical feminist – I wish more people, men and women, had the courage to say that!

Jo Ann’s book, Ignite, helps you to take your own courageous actions. It has a series of “thought exercises” that each start with a powerful quote. She has suggested questions to ask yourself about each quote and there is room to write down the thoughts and feelings evoked by the quote. The exercises make you really think and help you get in the habit of looking beneath the surface and really digging deep. Then you can use your new insights to take action. Thoughts need to be followed by action to be powerful.

Jo Ann talked about taking charge in many ways. We are all responsible for ourselves. And we all need to help those around us.

  • Don’t spend time being nice – nice is overrated. This doesn’t mean to be deliberately mean, but don’t prioritize being nice or being polite above getting things done or getting what you need.
  • To be successful we need to take risks.
  • Don’t wait – step up and offer your ideas and actions.
  • Demand what you’re worth.
  • Be comfortable being uncomfortable.
  • Choose courage.
  • Be vulnerable to be courageous.
Courage!

Courage!

Courage encompasses four things. It can be manifested when you do one or more of these things:

  • See and speak the truth.
  • Champion an unpopular or risky vision.
  • Persevere.
  • Collaborate with AND rely on others. If you don’t rely on those you collaborate with you aren’t truly collaborating or being truly courageous.

In life we need truth, courage, and risk – they can’t really be separated. Women have the power to change the world. Don’t be “honorary men” – lead the way to a world that has a great combination of “feminine” and “masculine” ways of doing things. Have the courage to be the change!

Step up now – in your every-day life, in relationships, at work – and take charge of your own life. Be courageous, be uncomfortable, and be vulnerable. Stand up for yourself, help others, and be a proud radical feminist!


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Go Lead Idaho – Get in the Game

This past week I attended another great Go Lead Idaho event – A Legacy of Leading. Go Lead Idaho helps women build leadership skills and helps women engage in politics, public advocacy, and public planning. The speakers this week, Marilyn Monroe Fordham and Rose Bowman, are two veterans of being “first”. Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how recently and severely women’s work and political options were limited to a small subset of opportunities.

Both speakers talked about being strongly discouraged in the 70s and 80s from choosing challenging, non-secretarial type degrees in college and from applying for jobs that were at the time typically reserved for men. Marilyn talked about staying in a banking job for years trying to break through the glass ceiling of “no women can be bank officers”. She eventually left to start her own business as promotion after promotion passed her by. They didn’t even hide why they wouldn’t consider her – they flatly stated it was because she was a woman. The powers that be also talked about the possibility that she might someday get pregnant as a roadblock to many roles – those were the days when women were expected to quit working as soon as they “showed” their pregnancy. While today few people would come out and say so, and many may think they’re being totally fair when evaluating people, there are countless subtle perceptions and reactions that still keep women from being completely successful.

This doesn’t mean we give up or sit around complaining – we need to stand up for ourselves. Don’t get discouraged, keep things positive, and stay focused on the goal. How other people perceive you matters – but don’t let it define you. And don’t try to do it alone. Ask for help and give help to others. Step up to help with projects – you will learn a lot, make new contacts, and show people what you can do. Even if you’re volunteering or doing something outside the scope of your core job you’re still showing people your skills and giving them a reason to remember you the next time an opportunity arises. Always be ready to help others, especially women who may be looking for a female based network. Help others feel confident and build their own circles.

When you are choosing new projects and opportunities challenge yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others and what they could do with the job, project, or role – think of what you can contribute and be creative about it. Others don’t really know more about how to do it than you do – and what you do know how to do could be exactly what is needed whether it’s typical or not. Stretch yourself and don’t focus at first on the practicalities. Figure out what needs to be done then come up with a plan that combines your needs with the needs of the job or project. Many times the schedules and specifics are much more flexible than they seem at first – ask for what you need.

Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to redefine it. Marilyn recounted how she sat on boards with a mix of men and women and there were often 1-2 people who tried to “win” and dominate discussions. However, as she joined boards that were composed of all women she saw a lot more of a focus on solving the problem and collaborating. Over the years the boards she was on became more efficient as they spent less time “playing golf” and instead focused on getting the work done sooner so they could get back to their responsibilities such as families and full time jobs. This wasn’t because of the inherent gender differences but because the women had different goals in mind and focused on them. They stated their needs, got things done, and made the job better.

When Rose ran for US Senate in Idaho in 1972 she was the first woman to do so. People were less likely to give money to a woman and she was running in the primary against the husbands of friends. She got out, made contacts, networked, but still lost the primary. But she was out there, she showed everyone that a woman could run, and she leveraged the contacts she made into appointments to multiple statewide offices. She made a difference. So what was next – what women have run for US Senate since then in Idaho? None. Women haven’t stepped up. We all have our excuses – we’re too busy, we don’t feel we have the skills, or it just seems like too much work. But really – why hasn’t any woman run again in the last 40 years?

You don’t have to start out with a national political office – but start somewhere. Do something new, extend your comfort zone, grow  your network, and get in the game – any game! Go lead Idaho!